I've come to the conclusion that dating closely mirrors the emotional turmoil of finding a job. As a single, 35-year-old woman (no pronouns, pls) fresh off completing a master's degree amid a backdrop of living abroad in Madrid — BEST LIFE DECISION EVER— I've entered the unique, albeit familiar, stage of transitioning ("be careful how you use that word," mom says).

I find myself in the position of wanting. I want a job. And I want a partner.

As a result of all this wanting, I am constantly questioning which style of communication is best. How much time do I spend A/B testing approaches, checking in, cold-emailing, texting, just plain calling, and waiting. What are the best strategies for a successful outcome in both areas?

Examples of questions to consider:

DATING:

Do I commit to the cause fully, and saturate my presence online by paying subscription/services + fees for ALL dating apps? Does Tinder hold the same connotation in the US as it did in Spain where it was the most popular app — or does it mean just a hook up? Am I cheapening my attractiveness if someone sees me across different platforms? (Note: I've never recognized someone IRL from seeing them on an app before) Does scarcity in app-use translate to higher-value worth and status?

JOB SEARCH:

Do I play a likelier short-game and focus on finding roles I'm 100% qualified for? Do I cast a wide net towards even greater roles? Do I apply LinkedIn's green girl scout-y badge of unemployment honor and risk appearing unwanted and needy? (Especially when all there is to say is that which I already know to be true: I. am. employable.) Is anyone truly #OpentoWork?

For those out there trying, it's important that we consider these hard questions. Perhaps first among them: Do you tiptoe carefully down each decision, calculating prospective leads and draft replies, waiting with keen, long-game tactics? Or do you dive into the deep end with an awkward wedgie, creating waves from a signature jackknife style– always maximize your displacement, er, value! — which may or may not hit someone with the right amount of force to pick you for their team?

The voice in my head tells me to be brave. Jump! This mindset worked when I made the BEST LIFE DECISION EVER. Plus there's the fact that Travis Kelce's mom made a similar concession when endorsing her son's dating style: shoot for the stars.

If you're still reading this, my goal is to share strategies in the form of stories. I'm not going to call them successful, or semi-so, as some are pending. My secondary goal is to make you laugh and feel a kinship in the struggle of finding what we want, or what we think we want, or at the very least — my personal priority — finding the starting blocks to something you can build upon either in a company or human form.

I've organized my thoughts into 4 main stories (dare I say case studies?), each written with differing perspectives from the dating and labor pools. In no particular order, they are:

1.) The One Where They Don't Call You Back

Dating:

You hit it off at a party. He's cute. Great smile. Your friend leaves the circle to give you space and as fate has it, he immediately turns and introduces himself, "I'm Garrett." He asks if you want a refill to which you say "YES" louder and faster than you meant to. He smiles and walks you to the kitchen where you exchange safe questions until glasses clink and he asks, "you on Insta?" You watch him type into the search bar on your phone. (His handle is FIRST NAME.LAST NAME — a bit boring, but hey, you are looking for stability.) The evening progresses on a couch, conversing with good eye contact (under 3 seconds not creepy type), and he even tells you he's a touchy feely kind of guy before asking to hold your hand and caress your knee cap. He's meeting up with friends so the night ends with next week inquiries. You accept his Insta request and follow back. Next week he's watching all your stories. He hearts them. By the following week he hasn't initiated anything though. You send a DM asking if he wants to grab a drink. He never replies. He continues to watch your stories. He still hearts them. You are confused. You send one more DM — a casual, "u around this weekend?" — before giving up on seeing him again. A month later you accidentally click on his story reel and see him traveling with a girl. Oh well.

Job Search:

You manage to see a posting early enough that you're in the first ten applicants, according to LinkedIn. A week later you receive a voicemail from Sofia, the hiring manager, asking for a call back if you're still interested. You call back immediately. But it's been a few hours — damn! — and instead of connecting with Sofia, you leave her an unpracticed (though concise) voicemail with your name and number, confirming you are, in fact, definitely, very interested in learning more about the role. You hang up and worry you may have said the word "definitely" twice. Days go by. You find Sofia's email on LinkedIn and decide to send a friendly email confirming your (definite) interest and desire to connect. You notice she's viewed your profile in the past 4 days. You conclude she must have viewed your page before she called. A few more days go by before you decide to make one more effort — a casual voicemail, ten seconds max, because she doesn't pick up again. Weeks go by. One day you notice the open job posting is no longer there. Wasn't meant to be.

2.) The Inconsistent 'Texter'

Dating:

Your second and third date go surprisingly well. You've been trying to keep zero expectations of where things are going but it's hard because there's chemistry. He's not a great texter but he's Spanish, and your friend Ygnacio says that's normal. (He calls you, anyways, and that's proof of something). Last weekend you were hanging out IRL and he said, "let's do something next weekend." Which is now. No word from him, you don't reach out either, and end up spending the evening with your Italian friend Alessandro cooking gnocchi from scratch — not a wasted evening at all. You wake up to a text you missed (because you were having fun) where he asks, "You can do tomorrow?" You wait to reply, "drinks or din, both?" because it's early. He replies quickly, smiley emoji. You interpret this to mean IT'S ON. Around midday, the next day, you text to confirm details. No response. By the time you realize you should have just called it's 7pm, you decide to follow up with an easy text, "still down?" Maybe he's taking a disco nap. Maybe he's busy. (He's not one of those glued-to-the-phone types!) You are looking cute in a black dress and combat boots. You join up with friends at a club, in Malasaña — not a wasted evening at all. In the morning you see two texts from him. The first at 10pm: "We can do drinks & catchup?" and a second a little after 12am: "in Malasaña!" So close, and yet, quite far.

Job Search:

You make it to the fourth round of interviews. Apparently the last one. You're proud of yourself. You should be. You initially poached a connection off LinkedIn, a cold call, which led to a door opening. While you don't consider yourself a great salesperson, you keep authentic relationships across all areas of your life. You bring your whole self to work (your professional whole self, that is). The interview process this time around is enjoyable. You haven't had to try that hard. You think, this company wants me for me. After the first interview with the hiring manager, Jennifer, it took three weeks to hear back, but hear back you did. The second interview was similar. It required waiting two weeks, just to hear, "We are still in the interview process with other candidates." You've mastered the casual hello. They know you wish them well. Jennifer and you have rapport. And she informs you of a likely update next week. So, you email, casually, next Friday morning. No response for a week. You try calling. Still, no response. You're left with a puzzling thought. Is Jennifer OK? Did her appendix burst before she could put up an away message, or is this a classic story of rejection? Missed connections are so sad.

3.) The One That Could Break Your Heart

Dating:

Somehow the Raya Gods have smiled down on you and the cute guy with humble-looking eyes and normal pics (read: no shirtless mirror selfies) messages first with a personal greeting which shows he's read your profile. You exchange pleasantries and cell numbers. More messages ensue. The next day he leaves a voice note that makes you laugh. Exchanges continue, which lead to phone calls, and then an intro facetime — you live in different cities. You can't imagine anything more awkward. But it goes just fine, and he looks the same (phew! you've been catfished before!). Actually, he is handsome-r than you expected. You agree to meet IRL because texting without meeting only leads to a strange reality where relationships don't really exist. Because you're not comfortable flying to meet someone — omg the pressure — you ask him to see you instead, and he does. He flies up, on a plane, had to buy a ticket, to see you. In return for effort and doing what he said he was going to do (you're not used to that), you plan a great weekend. You squeeze multiple dates into two days. You get to know each other over dinners, drinks, walking, laughing, etc. He tells you he had a great time. You did too. And you think you may like, like him, so you're fearful of how things will progress. Uncertainty of what will happen now that planning a weekend is over sinks in, and while texts and chats continue, their pace enters an unknown trajectory of emotions.

Job Search:

A company you love, located in a city you love, with a salary you love, lists a job posting that accurately describes YOU and your amazing skillsets. You manage to find the ear of the HR manager through a family friend who always replies, "No problem!" and forwards your, "I just applied to [INSERT ALL THE COMPANY NAMES], do you know anyone open to a referral?" email for the one-hundred-and-seventy-fifth time. The HR manager endorses your CV and setups a second interview with the SVP, whom you'd work closely under. Your interview goes great. You sell yourself. You, my dear, are authentic. You know this because she says, "I think you're terrific," and, "You seem very smart," and, "I like your energy" — I swear all of that — at the end, before she confides you're one of three candidates she's focused on (out of 100!). Updates to come next week. Everything seems right. You stop yourself from looking at apartments in the area because, well, you're suddenly superstitious. Is it wise to plan that far ahead for something you don't have? At least you know you want it.

4.) The One Where They Finally Call You Back…But Then Ghost You FR

Dating:

You're leaving the country in 3 days. You open Instagram to an alert that Garrett has replied, finally, that is, if you can call it that as he doesn't address your last message. He comments on a picture of suitcases by asking, "You still single?" with the smiley side-eye emoji that's up to no good. It's cringe but you still think he's hot. Why not have an excuse to say goodbye to your favorite bar? You reply, "I am. But you have a GF?" You see him typing… immediately. He says, "Not anymore. Would love 2 c u. Tomorrow 8p?" You know this is going nowhere but you also love to make out. You confirm a thumbs up emoji because you're in your mid-30's and 'old people' use that one the most (supposedly mid-30's is old). Tomorrow comes and around 5pm you text, asking where to meet. You shave your legs and. are. ready. 7pm rolls around. Then 8:30pm. You decide to join your friends who have gathered at a terrace, you were planning to see them anyways. The evening goes with no further communication from Garrett. Zilch. Zero. You think maybe he's tripped and fallen into a ditch. Maybe he took a nap and forgot to set an alarm. Maybe. The truth? You will never see him again, and that's OK. You hope he gets better at talking to girls.

Job Search:

You're reviewing your cover letter for a corporate real estate job when suddenly CBRE emails to schedule The Final Interview. You've only been waiting four weeks with no update. (You didn't think it went well and she called you Christine instead of Christie). You suppose your well-articulated summations of accomplishments were soothing to their ears. You, after all, do sound confident when you talk because you've done some shit. The Final Interview is onsite! You're going to meet the team! You would be leading a subregion, five managers from six assets, all part of the same REIT. Oh, and your salary? 25% higher than the one you left before heading to graduate school. You can visualize the commute. But first, you wait to confirm the time. You've given the EA a broad range of hours, anytime next Monday to Friday. You wait a day to call. You wait two days to call again. Between email follow ups and another left-voicemail you decide to give up because it's their job to reply. If nothing ever comes of it, that's just the way it goes, you guess. It's a shame they got your hopes up (again).